AUTHOR: Demon Faith
EMAIL: rosabeth@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Romance, Angst, Series
SPOILERS: Seasons 1 through 3. This won’t make…any kind of sense without the rest of Charlie.
SEASON/SEQUEL: This is set one month after Charlie#12.
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS: Death and all associated angst :(
SUMMARY: Jack searches for closure.
DISCLAIMER: All recognisable things belong to MGM et al, but they are quite warped by now. I own Charlie O’Neill, Danielle etc. You know the drill. Song from Evita.
AUTHOR’S NOTES: Well, almost three years later it’s finally over.
I’m actually quite sad about that, but I couldn’t have continued with it anymore. It’s better to end it now (tho I should’ve ended it much earlier) and keep some of the spirit alive.
Hope you enjoyed!
Alone.
He had often been alone.
The airforce wasn’t the place for company. Sharp humour kept everyone away, except Sarah. And Charlie.
He had loved Sarah so much, but…Charlie. The first Charlie, the one he had killed, who he had let down…just like this Charlie…
Daniel was such a saving grace. He knew what to do, what to say – he could handle himself, he knew what it was to be alone. And then he found Sha’re, but yet again, he lost. So many losses, so many lost loves. But he had Sam, strong dependable Sam. And their adopted daughter – Charlie.
He was so angry when he first met her. Thought she was deliberately named to hurt him, to cause him pain. What madness, what absurdity – how could he have thought such things? Best friends married behind his back, a new face in the middle of danger, and suddenly, there’s a woman who’s on their side, whose creativity and wit was bred in the field. Like his.
She was so young, a child compared to his aging crumbling form. But she knew what it was like – he could see in the shadows of her eyes, the darkness that flashed there. She was born to feel this pain – truly, though he had never known that till it was too late.
Too late.
He laughed then, a harsh bitter sound that echoed within the closed walls. It was always too late. Too late to realise he’d left his gun. Too late to save Daniel from yet more pain. Too late to follow her when Apophis took her. Too late to realise his wife was tearing in two.
Too late to say goodbye.
She had known, somewhere between shouting in Goa’uld, slurred English, and something he thought was Hindi. Somewhere in her collapsing mind, she had known that this was final. He should’ve known that look in her eyes.
‘I’m sorry, Jack’ – no NO! She had nothing to be sorry for, it was him, all him. He had done this, brought this down upon them both – if he had done more, known more…the Asgard would’ve come for her a little later.
She was sorry. In amongst the confusion of a dying mind, she was sorry. She was apologising to him. That blew him away like a fragile leaf – she was sorry, yet she was the one slipping through his fingers like fine sand. Time ticking through the time glass until there’s simply no more.
No more.
~
They sat together in amongst the ashes of Jack’s house, neither mindful of the soot clinging to their clothes, staining deep into the fabric. Sam clung to Daniel with desperation, as he pulled her tight against him, wishing the scene in front of him would change.
There – some final message scrawled across the wall, the one thing she wished to convey before she was carried away – Makepeace. There were investigations and bureaucracy yet to come, to commemorate her last action on this earth, before heading for more deeds that she would never even know about.
Like the rest of her life.
She was not officially their daughter. Sam knew that, but it didn’t stop the pain. They would move on, go back to work, as they had done before when she was taken. But this time there was no hope, and her husband shook uncontrollably, fighting whatever Hathor still had over him.
She couldn’t lose it all again.
She just couldn’t.
~
“Sir, I don’t think this...”
“Save it, Carter.”
Sir...Carter...back to the beginning, back to before. Where else was safe?
“Jack, what are you looking for? You can’t...you can’t bring her back.”
He turned then, piercing Daniel with his sharp eyes. He stood his ground, matching him but a hand on the wall. Too weak to be standing let alone arguing.
“I have to do this.”
He left Sam and Daniel at the door, walking through the corridors quickly, ignoring the memories that clung to him. Here was where they had fought together, here was where she had fallen – where he had first realised *something*. No time for memories, as he strode on to his destination.
A technician pressed the buttons, and there it was, before him. He bypassed the ruined fragile worlds, until he came to a quiet store cupboard. Carefully, he took the device and reached out to the glass.
There was music from somewhere nearby, slow music that he recognised. He walked quickly through the corridors, until he arrived at this foreign yet familiar Gate Room. Inside...a coffin.
She stood beside it, fingers trailing the wood, as everyone stood in solemn silence. And slowly, beautifully, she began to sing.
“Where do we go from here?
This isn’t where we intended to be.
We had it all, you believed in me.
I believed in you.”
This was their song. He leant back against the wall, trying to breathe through the tears.
“Certainties disappear.
What must we do for our dream to survive?
How do we keep all our passions alive?
As we used to do.”
The end of dreams. Yes, this was it. He was watching his own death, even as she saw it. And then he saw her, watching him and apologising, then lying cold, an alien blue...
“Deep in my heart I’m concealing
Things that I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m feeling
Frightened...you’ll slip away.”
He voice hitched, as she whispered “You must love me”. The music played on, but she could no longer sing. He knew what he had to do, the words just sliding from his lips.
“Why are you at my side?
How can I be any use to you now?
Give me a chance, and I’ll let you see how
Nothing has changed.”
She stared at him, reaching towards him as if he were a ghost. He also touched at her face, half-expecting her to be cold and for her skin to glow purple. They sang together.
“Deep in my heart I’m concealing
Things that I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m feeling
Frightened you’ll slip away.”
“You must love me,” he whispered softly.
“You must love me,” she replied, slowly, hesitatingly.
The music stopped. The Gate Room stood in stunned silence. She stepped back from him, shaking her head.
“You can’t be real...”
“I’m...not your Jack...but I am real.”
She moved out of the room, and he had to follow. She led him to where he knew her office was, and they sat together, not really speaking.
“You’re...from the mirror?” she guessed, and he nodded. She sighed.
“That must’ve been...strange for you.”
He shook his head, swallowing to regain composure. “No, you – my Charlie – she’s dead.”
She formed a silent ‘O’ with her mouth, drawing his attention to her lips. God, they were just like...they were...he freed his mind of the thoughts.
“I came here...to find closure, to...sort some things out.”
“How did she...leave?”
He choose the simplest explanation, decided that he shouldn’t interfere, maybe she didn’t know...
“A fire. I didn’t...I didn’t say goodbye.”
“Neither did I.”
He looked up, as tears fell from her face, and her hand rested uneasily across her swollen abdomen. He wondered fleetingly if it was his this time.
“Power surge in the Gate Room, he was dead when I arrived.”
Pointless, he thought. Two pointless deaths, two loves lost. But no greater vision awaited him, just a box. In a way, that was comforting.
“I want to say something to you,” she said suddenly, “Something...I never said to him.”
“Yeah...me too.”
She took a breath, and looked at him straight in the eye. She smiled slowly.
“Jack, I never told you that I loved you, I never said how sorry I was – about the baby, and the Asgard. I should’ve told you sooner. I...won’t forget you.”
“There’s nothing to feel sorry about. I love you, Charlie, so much. I never minded about the baby, I just was glad to have you. And I will never forget.”
They stood then, and she pressed a light kiss to his lips. It lingered, but they pulled apart.
“So, you have to return now?”
“Yes, yes I do.”
She walked with him to the store cupboard, and the mirror sparkled back at him. He turned one last time and smiled at her. She smiled back.
He reached out to the glass and travelled through. Standing, watching her, she raised a hand, and he allowed himself to smile back. Releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, he turned to the technician.
“Shut it down.”
THE END