Beyond Sunrise

-Demon Faith

EMAIL: rosabeth@hotmail.com

CATEGORY: Romantic fluff, of the S/D variety. Some J/Jan thrown in for good measure

SPOILERS: This whole series has suddenly become an AU. (I like my Daniel solid, thankyouverymuch!) References to The Movie, COTG, The Gamekeeper, Secrets, Serpent's Song, FIAD and Rites of Passage.

SEASON/SEQUEL: Sequel to: In the Silence and Symbols of the Soul.

DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine. Damn.

AUTHOR’S NOTES: The final piece of the puzzle. This wasn't supposed to turn out this way, so beware of strange twists!

Don’t take me from this place. I never want to leave.

I slowly stretch my tired body out on the grass, gazing up at the winking stars. The moon ripples behind wispy clouds, playing games amongst distant suns and planets. Planets we’ll probably visit someday.

It’s strange, that I’m lying here, alone, on the grass. It doesn’t quite seem real, that I managed to destroy everything, with a few words.

I told her I couldn’t stand it any longer. I told her it was all over. I told her I didn’t love her.

I know Jack’s gonna kill me. But that doesn’t worry me. Why should it? I mean - I’m already dead.

I may be able to say it, but I still don’t believe it. All these years of saving Earth, and eventually, Fate got to me. Janet says there’s a 10% survival rate, but it’s not enough. I know my luck, I know my fate - what do they say again? Ah, yes - ‘The good die young’.

Thirty-eight - yeah, that’s still young. Still young enough to do things, make a difference, love someone. I do love her, I always will - but I couldn’t tell her that. She doesn’t need this, doesn’t need my pain. She’s better off without me.

Or so I tell myself. I want her to be happy - she’ll recover from these first moments of pain. But, to let her attach herself to a dying man, no, not fair. I know what that’s like - knowing your lover, your wife, is doomed to die. So, I can spare her from that. I can spare them all, if I can just move further away.

Yet, some selfish part of me is greedy for their company, their reassurances when my hope is lost, the hope that I do not have and I crave Sam’s arms to enfold me and make reality flee away.

For this is the cold reality: I, Daniel Jackson, am going to die. After False Gods, and psychotic aliens, it was a few malicious cells that pulled me down. If I could find the energy, I’d laugh.

But, instead, I’ll lie here, on the grass, and watch the stars. Stars that could’ve been mine.

~

He doesn’t realise I’m watching. I stand behind him, seeing the same sky as he is, and yet knowing his world is so different. I knew something was wrong, he just wasn’t the same - a little more dejected, losing hope. It didn’t take an astrophysicist to work it out: he was ill. I didn’t know how seriously, until I over-heard Janet and him talking. Oh, the pain that ran through me, that stopped my own heart dead. It took all my strength of will to keep myself breathing, let alone walk away.

I know what he’s trying to do, I know he’s trying to protect me from this. But, I love him, and I want to protect him, not be sheltered like a child. I deserve the truth, I deserve it from him. I want him, and I don’t care about pain.

This terrible thing - it takes people away from me, it may take Daniel away from me. But I want to be there. I don’t care how much it hurts, I want to sit beside him, take his hand and cry with him.

He should know that. Why didn’t I tell him?

I should’ve told him

~

Our lives have never been simple. My parents died, I drifted around and I ended up standing in the rain. Suddenly, I’m thrown into a strange new place, and there I feel grounded. She grounded me. I still feel pain when I think of Sha’re, of the way I led her round in dizzy circles, fooling myself into love. She deserved better than that.

And then, the Stargate program. And Captain Carter, scientist, feminist and soldier. An interesting set of almost-contradictions that balance out a truly amazing individual. I’m smitten, I know. It seems a shame to let it all go, everything we’ve built, that could just be knocked down with a feather touch.

Wasn’t as strong as we thought? Wasn’t meant to last? Nothing lasts.

~

I'm watching him, and I know I want to walk through Hell with him - hey, we've already done it! - but I feel detached from him somehow.

There's so much of his life I've missed - I remember a time when he was just a name on a piece of paper, a name I was jealous of. I thought we'd have time to erase that, that they'd be a time when my years with him would outnumber my years without. I don't think that will happen now.

So, I'll still remember the name on the paper and the times of aching pain and grief. I won't know summer after summer of growing old with him, watching our children become the successes, the public, bright and shining successes, we never could be.

There are no summers and no children.

~

I'm aware of someone behind me, and I sigh.

"Look, Jack, before you kick the crap out of me..."

"That wasn't the plan."

I sit up quickly, and turn. She's standing there, her eyes wistful and free of tears. Funny, I expected tears.

"What are you doing here?"

She holds up a blanket, before sitting down beside me. She wraps it around my shoulders, her hands lingering.

"Janet says you shouldn't sit in the cold - it'll make it worse."

"I don't think it can get worse," I reply automatically, then stop.

She knows.

~

His realisation hits and I can't help but smile. He's wearing an expression of shock and his mouth is opening and closing rapidly - he looks like a demented goldfish.

Then, his eyes darken and his whole face echoes weariness and sorrow. I pull him towards me, resting his across my body and hold him tightly. He begins to shake, and I realise he's crying. I hold him closer, blinking back my own tears.

This is how it's gonna be. I'm going to hold him, and we're both going to cry. I'll say reassuring things, and he'll laugh at me and thank me for trying. Then, they'll be silence and some monitor will flatline. That's how it's all gonna end.

As if he can read my mind, he sits up and holds my shoulders.

"It's not going to end like this, y'know. It's going to end when we're both old and we're tucked up with a warm blanket, surrounded by photographs of grandchildren and a hundred knick-knacks. We'll say goodnight and 'I love you', then the lights will go out and we'll fall asleep. The next day, the sun will rise and we'll both stay sleeping. And, that, Samantha Carter, is how it will end."

I believe him.

~WHEN THE SUN CAME UP~

I found them that day.

I'd charged into the house, calling them to come and see the snow. It hadn't snowed for many years, but that day, the ground was covered. I was surprised they weren't already awake - Mum's body was always on military time, and Dad couldn't sleep without her. I walked into their room, and I saw them.

Mum's head was resting on Dad's shoulder, her arm draped across his chest. Her hair fell over her hands, covering the blanket. He had placed one hand over hers, whilst the other was caught beneath her, resting on the small of her back. They looked so peaceful, their lips upturned with little smiles, as if they were privy to a joke that no one else could see.

After everything - their years spent serving abroad, Dad's cancer scare and Mum's persistent migraines - they deserved an ending like that. And all I could think about was how much I would miss them, what I had still to tell them and that they had missed the snow.

The funeral was beautiful, the snow still thick on the ground. Teal'c and Cassie came, two of the people from the old days. My sister and I laid wreaths, and her children sang a hymn. The huge Teal'c placed an Egyptian statue on Dad's coffin, and another on Mum's. Cassie placed a chess piece on each, as I had seen her do at Uncle Jack's funeral. There are stories there, I'm sure. Uncle Jack would've made light of it in front of a campfire, and we'd forget the Hell our parents went through.

His daughter was also there - she's called Samantha, like mum. Her parents are both dead too: Aunt Janet died when she was very young. She only has Cassie now, like I have Shauri. We've talked a lot since the funeral, wondering at our parents' bonding during their time abroad. They must've fought some tough battles.

But, most importantly, they won.