AUTHORS: Demon Faith and
Stephali
EMAIL: rosabeth@hotmail.com and stephalij@hotmail.com
CATEGORY: Sam/Daniel,
Humour, Angst, Drama
SPOILERS: None at all!
SEASON/SEQUEL: Season 3,
cos Danny has short hair
RATING: PG-13
CONTENT WARNINGS:
Some…er…‘strange’ situations!
SUMMARY: SG1 have a
‘changing’ experience
DISCLAIMER: Steph and I
are just playing! Honest! We’ll put them back safely, once Sam and Daniel finally
get together. (Anyone get the feeling I’m clutching at straws?)
AUTHOR’S NOTES: ‘Yes, I'm
at it again!!! Here goes yet another nutcase plotline with suitable sarky
comments. Knock yourself out!’ And this was how this whole thing started, when
I wrote a letter to Steph, detailing this plot. And here it is! And seeing as
I’m still bullying Steph into writing, you can expect a lot more of these to
come!
DF/xx
SG1 had barely had time to
get used to the brightness of the multiple suns when they heard a familiar cry.
"Wow! Jack, come have
a look at this!"
It was, of course, only
another completely deserted set of ruins that had attracted Daniel Jackson's
attention.
Heaving a well-rehearsed
sigh, Jack called:
"OK. I'll go with Daniel; Carter and Teal'c spread out and
search. Keep in radio contact at all times."
No harm in taking
precautions, they'd almost certainly come in handy later.
~
"It was really quite
amazing," Daniel muttered, "How the Goa'uld managed to take such a
vast variety of Earth cultures and scatter them throughout the galaxy."
Jack's reply was
non-committal.
"Yeah."
He continued scanning the
endless rocks for any invaders, it was clear though: this planet had been
uninhabited for a long time. Turning to Daniel again, he saw the archaeologist
reach upwards for what was unmistakably a lever.
"Daniel!" he
shouted in panic, "I don't think that's...."
From about a metre away
from where Jack was standing an entrance suddenly appeared. All was quiet for a
moment before it shot out at him a large quantity of sticky green slime. Jack
was covered in it. Soaking wet, he finished
"...a good idea."
Daniel nodded
apologetically and went over to see if he could help. Never one to miss an
opportunity, Jack stealthily removed a huge mass of the stuff from all down his
back and chucked it in Daniel's direction. Jack having a rather good aim and
Daniel having rather slow reactions meant that now they were both victims of
this particular ancient trap.
Hearing all the commotion
and never wanting to miss out on any fun, Sam motioned to Teal'c to follow her
back in the direction of the others. When she got there, the sight of the
Colonel and Daniel looking like they had just a slime bath was too much. First
she smiled, then she giggled, then she fell about laughing. Struggling to
contain herself, Sam leant against a rather long, flat rock. Underneath her
hand, she felt a sharp click and then the wall gave way.
~
It was horrible. She was
falling, tumbling, cascading, and bumping down these very hard stone steps.
Every jolt brought a new wave of pain and by the time she eventually reached
the end, she had been just about ready to give up and fall unconscious. It was
then that she felt the electric charge flow through her, but as soon as she
felt it, it had gone. Clutching her head, Sam sat up. It was surprisingly light
this deep underground and so by the lack of blood she could see, Sam reckoned
she was pretty much OK.
~
"Damn," Jack
thought and said.
"I suppose it might
be slightly too late for me to mention about this particular culture's love of
practical jokes?"
"Too damned right
Daniel," Jack said, before taking a huge breath and shouting at the top of
his voice "CARTER!"
He was rewarded by a faint
"Colonel" that came from far below him.
"WE'RE COMING TO GET
YOU!"
This time "Be
careful" was what she shouted back.
"OK. I'll go first,
Teal'c you follow. Maybe Daniel it'll be safer if you stay up here."
With that, Jack O'Neill
and Teal'c climbed down the hideously long flight of stone steps down to where
they could hear their stricken comrade.
~
"Maybe it was safer
for me to be up here," Daniel thought, watching the others' steady
progress. Soon they were out of his sight and he leant over slightly to see how
close they were to the ground. Slightly too far.
It was horrible. He was
falling, tumbling, cascading, and bumping down these very hard stone steps.
Every jolt brought a new wave of pain and by the time he eventually reached the
end, he had been just about ready to give up and fall unconscious when he felt
the zap, almost as if an electric current had been triggered by his arrival.
Clutching his head, Daniel sat up.
"I told you to stay
up there!" Jack teased, but it was obvious he was concerned.
Sam checked Daniel over,
"He's fine sir."
By this time, Daniel was
past caring. The walls to this place were covered by interesting little
pictograms that he was already well on the way to translating. His trusty
video-recorder was now in use and all of the inscriptions he could see were being
put onto tape.
"Sir?" Carter
asked. "When you reached this level, did you feel an electric
charge?"
"A 'buzz'?"
She nodded. Jack nodded.
Teal'c added his nod to the collection.
"It was probably only
generated due to..."
Jack silenced her with his
long practised stare.
"OK team we're
heading out."
For once even Daniel
didn't complain. It seemed as if he too just wanted to get out of there.
~
After the customary
debriefing and the mandatory delightful visit to the infirmary, SG1 were given
48 hours before they had to be back at the SGC. Always eager for new experiences, Teal'c unwittingly let himself
in for at least one night of watching foreign sport on cable with Jack. Sam
decided to head home for a bit and Daniel being Daniel felt that he had
approximately 48 hours worth of translating to do, i.e. he was staying at
Cheyenne Mountain even though he didn't have to be there. After wishing them
all goodbye, Daniel sat down at his desk, replaying the video on his computer
and downloading pictures. The stories told there fascinated him and even when
he eventually fell asleep there, he dreamt of their culture and tradition.
~
Jack woke up. The sunlight
was streaming through the window and outside, the choir of morning songbirds
filled the air with their rousing melodies.
"Must have been one
hell of a night," Jack thought rather drunkenly, running a hand through
his hair. "Damn, I must still be asleep," Jack thought rather
confused. His hair was definitely NOT shoulder length and chestnut brown. Coming
to think of it, his voice sounded a bit too soft and high-pitched compared to
normal. Jack sat up and looked down at his chest, there it was, staring him
literally in the face...
"OH MY GOD!"
Jack yelled.
Teal'c came running in
from the spare bedroom and Jack just stared and stared and stared.
"Please tell me this
isn't real!" Jack begged, moaning in a totally uncharacteristic way.
"I am sorry O'Neill.
I am unaware what has occurred, but it is definitely real."
Standing there, right in
front of Jack was someone who looked, talked and acted like Teal'c but was a
woman. Sitting where Jack was someone who looked, talked and acted like Jack
but was a woman. Things were definitely going badly this morning.
Jack reached over for a
mirror and stared at what once was himself, but was now herself. His eyes were
the same, his hair was cut neatly into a bob and the lines of pain and age had
softened again the lighter tone of his skin. Jack thought he looked pretty bad,
but Teal'c? Nowhere in the world had there ever been a woman so strongly built
as this. Even the long dark curly hair did nothing to hide Teal'c's solid
silhouette, his face was as impassive as ever and even though his voice was
several semi-tones higher, it was still way too low. Maybe it was a 'woman
thing' but Teal'c suddenly seemed to know what Jack was thinking.
"I suggest we
communicate with Major Carter, O'Neill."
~
Truth to tell, that Major
Carter had already been awake for hours wondering what the hell she, or now HE
should do. At about 4 in the morning something had woken Sam up, and boy she
didn't need a mirror to tell her that something was wrong. After convincing
herself that she was awake, Sam got up, turned on a light and stared in horror
at the full-length mirror slumped in the corner. Sam's hair was as short, if
not shorter than the Colonel's had been and cut in almost the same style. It
looked weird, very weird. For a start, she was still wearing make-up and
despite all intentions, it was very quickly removed. Sam's face was colder,
sterner, harder, reminiscent of her brother, but unlike her brother, Sam was
seriously freaked.
The 'phone rang, and Sam
jumped. It had made the first noise since the initial gasp of shock that had
been uttered much earlier that morning. Picking it up, she really hoped that
her voice hadn't changed too much...what if it was...or...However Sam reckoned
if this, whatever this was, had happened to her, something had probably
happened to the rest of SG1 and they probably needed her help.
"Hello," she answered
rather gruffly.
"Carter? Is that
you?" A few seconds pause, "Jack O'Neill."
Not exactly relief flooded
through her, but something pretty close. At least she was not the only one.
"I'm here sir."
"Carter, has anything
even remotely odd happened to you this morning?"
"I think you can tell
sir," meaning the slightly obvious change in her voice.
"Teal'c's with me. Do
you think we should call Daniel?"
"He'll still be at
the base, we can meet him...her...there."
"OK." Jack put
the 'phone down. Everything would be all right. Then he stopped. How the hell
were they going to get into the SGC without being totally humiliated? Inwardly
he remarked: 'By using the woman's touch of course.'
~
Daniel lifted his head and
rubbed at his eyes, knocking his glasses to the floor. Leaning towards the
floor, a mass of golden brown hair fell in his face. HER face? Oh god, oh god,
oh god: not again! Daniel looked down and squeezed his eyes shut. This was not
happening! Daniel slammed his office door shut and pulled down the blinds. He,
…or now, she …noticed the hair getting in his eyes. Daniel grabbed the nearest
elastic band and tied his hair loosely behind his neck. He was glad his
fatigues still looked okay on him, even if they were a little tight across the
chest and a bit baggy on the arms, where his well-built form had been reduced
to the slightly lighter frame of a …woman. Oh please, how could this be
happening?
~
Sam drew up to Jack’s
house. Where was he? Or, where was she?
She saw a face pop up at the window and she smiled. That had looked like her
Colonel but the hair…? The door opened slowly and one female Jaffa appeared.
Sam stuffed her hand in her mouth at the sight of her warrior friend looking
so… feminine. And then came Jack. She stifled another giggle. He had his
sunglasses on but the chestnut hair still flowed freely around his neck. He was
still trying to walk like a man and that just made it even funnier. He cursed
as he tripped in his now too-big shoes. Teal’c quickly got into the back seat,
followed by Jack, who promptly removed his glasses and scowled.
“Carter.”
“Sir. Or, should that be
ma’am?”
Jack gave her a freezing
look but she was enjoying this far too much. Her masculine form
was...interesting but she could cope. Obviously, the guys couldn’t.
“Just drive, Carter.”
Sam took off the handbrake
and set off.
“So sir, did you phone the
General?
“Yes, I did. He told me to
report to the infirmary.”
“Did you tell him about
Daniel?”
“No. I thought we
should...see what’s happening first.”
Sam smiled. She could
imagine Daniel not appreciating being jumped in a…delicate state. She shook her
head again at the thought of Daniel…no, Sam don’t!
“Something funny, Carter?”
Sam clamped down her iron
mask.
“No sir. I was just
thinking about …our names.”
Jack raised an eyebrow.
Sam glanced into the mirror and smiled. It looked so odd on his feminine face.
Sam rubbed her chin nervously. She had stubble across her chin but wasn’t about
to start shaving quite yet. She was too worried.
“Names, Carter? What about
them?”
“Well, I’m alright sir. I
mean, Sam could be short for ‘Samuel’ or ‘Samantha’.”
“But Jack…”
“Yes sir. How
about...Jackie?”
Even Teal’c laughed at
that. Jack shot him a threatening look, although he knew he couldn’t back it
up. He was much slighter now and the Jaffa hadn’t lost much of his
inexhaustible strength.
“Well, Daniel isn’t much
better. I mean...Danielle?”
Sam chuckled and pulled
into the Cheyenne Mountain car park. Janet was standing by the gate.
“Oh for crying out loud! Why
the hell is she here?”
Janet’s eyes were wide as
Sam drove up beside her. She stared at Sam but couldn’t quite see the ducking
figures of the Colonel and Teal’c. Then they got out.
“Oh my…”
Jack shot her an evil
look; pretty sure he could take on the doctor, if no one else. Janet, however,
was in total hysterics. Teal’c raised an eyebrow.
“Are you alright, Doctor
Frasier?”
“Let’s …go in …shall we?
And …where’s …Daniel?”
“Still in his office
hopefully. We’re going there now.”
“Well you are, Carter. I’m
taking the remotest route to the infirmary as possible.”
Sam grinned and pulled his
cap out of the front seat. Jack scowled and shot Janet a look.
“And, what are you staring
at?”
Janet held a hand to her
mouth, before replying, perfectly seriously…
“I think you’re a 36DD,
sir.”
~
Daniel leafed through his
books, trying to find the cultural reference he wanted. This would make an
interesting journal entry, he thought. And of course, the name …Danielle? There
was a knock at the door and Daniel stopped moving. He didn’t want to be
detected.
“Daniel? Let me in! It’s
Sam.”
Okay, this was odd. It
sounded kinda like Sam but there was something different, something …masculine.
Daniel suddenly realised that the rest of SG1 must have been changed as well.
He stifled mental images of Jack and Teal’c as women and went to open the door.
He opened it slightly and pulled Sam in. She yelped and bashed into the table.
“Daniel? What are you
doing?”
“I know what happened!”
“Yes I think we all do.”
“No, that’s not what I
meant. What I mean is that I can reverse it!”
Sam smiled and then
actually noticed Daniel for the first
time. Except now most definitely Danielle.
“Wow, Danielle. You look
…different.”
Daniel’s face broke into a
grin that she remembered so well.
"So do you,
um...Samuel."
"Please tell me you know how to change us back?"
Daniel nodded, his hair
falling out of his rather scruffy ponytail.
"Well, come with us
to our briefing and on the way I'll show you how to put your hair up
properly."
"There's an offer I
can't refuse."
~
"So am I correct Dr.
Jackson, in assuming that this has happened before on Earth and that this
technology is still currently out there somewhere?"
Daniel tried his best to
look professional, but even he couldn't deny the hilarity of the situation.
"Well it definitely happened..." Daniel paused, waiting for a
sarcastic comment from Jack, but none came. It seemed his feminine side didn't
approve. "But we destroyed everything connected to it, and then came the
massive sandstorm and those particular caves were lost. It was quite a tragedy
really; the entire writings of an early clan descended from..."
"As fascinating as
this undoubtedly is, can we please just all, you know, just change back into
our normal happy selves?" Jackie was most definitely Jack.
"Well, the only way
to do that is for all of us...you know guys you're really not going to like
this…well it comes down to..."
"Just spit it out
Danny…elle."
"We have to kiss each
other."
"What?!" cried
Carter in a surprisingly high voice for a man.
"All of us?!"
inquired Jack.
"No, we just have to
pair up. But it has to be a proper kiss, you know, no backing out of it."
"OK, well I'll kiss
the delightful Samuel here, and Danielle and Teal'c'ette can make out in some corner
somewhere."
"Excuse me sir!"
"Why Sam, I thought
you'd have wanted to kiss me."
"Sorry to tell you
this, but no."
The woman now unofficially
dubbed Teal'c'ette offered his/her suggestion. "I believe we should use
the method O'Neill once described to me as 'drawing straws'."
"That is a very good
suggestion Teal'c," said General Hammond. "SG1 you have your mission,
now if you excuse me, I have to go file some reports somewhere." With
that, he left the room leaving four rather embarrassed members of SG1.
"Here we go,"
said Sam as she drew four pens out of the General's top drawer. "Two black
pen lids, two blue pen lids." She put them behind her back and mixed them
up. "Who's going first?"
Jack looked fearfully at
Sam, then tapped a hand.
“Blue. Right sir, that’s
yours. Now, Danielle?”
“Why thank you Sam!”
Daniel took a pen lid and
sighed.
“Black. Well, at least I
don’t have to kiss Jack!”
Sam smiled. At least she
was safe…, or not. She wasn’t sure Janet’s nurses would’ve called kissing Jack
O’Neill ‘safe’, and, from what Sam had heard, most of them should know.
“Well, Teal’c, your turn
to pick.”
The Jaffa solemnly stepped
forward, knowing he had to kiss a man - or now, woman - to get back into
his…correct form. He stepped forward and picked a lid…
“Blue! Hallelujah to all
deities.”
Danielle danced around the
room and Sam laughed. She could cope with Danielle; it might even be pleasant.
Then, she was a man and that would be very strange. She shrugged and walked
over to Danielle, who was grinning. Jack was looking absolutely disgusted and
Teal’c didn’t look too happy either.
“Couldn’t I just go kiss
Janet or something? I mean, does it have to be Teal’c?”
“‘Fraid so, Jack. Ah never
mind, no one will know!”
Jack was still unhappy but
Sam and Danielle decided to ignore them. They turned to each other and smiled.
“Here goes, Danielle.”
“Uh-huh, Sam.”
They both slowly bent
forward and kissed. Slowly, it deepened, while Jack watched with a shudder.
Light seemed to be enveloping them and suddenly they changed, still kissing.
Sam felt her form shrink
but the kiss just didn’t want to finish. She felt Daniel’s protective arms
around her and leaned against him. Jack shook his head and turned to Teal’c.
“Extremely quick?”
“Indeed, O’Neill.”
They scrunched their eyes
shut and bobbed down, rising just as quickly. Nothing happened. Jack shuddered
again and bent down properly, feeling revulsion for every second. The minute he
felt the light he backed away, as did Teal’c.
Jack felt his shoulders widen and his muscles expand, wondering briefly
why Sam and Daniel had kissed so long. Teal’c also felt his body return to
normal. Sam and Daniel finally finished kissing and looked at each other,
smiling. Sam pulled the clinging elastic band from Daniel’s now short hair and
he smiled at her.
~
General Hammond was very
relieved when the four members of SG1 reported in the infirmary, looking pretty
much like they did everyday. If he hadn’t been looking carefully, he may have
missed the look of disgust that had remained on Jack and Teal’c’s faces for
nearly an hour now, or even the secret smiles Sam and Daniel were sending each
other when they thought nobody was looking.
Janet had insisted that
SG1 had full medical check-up, to make sure things were relatively normal, but
she was quite content with just making one particularly annoyed Colonel go
through the process. As a reward though, SG1 were authorised to go through the
gate and destroy that place on their next mission.
They were given an hour
until departure so they decided to make the most of it. Teal’c decided to
meditate since ‘Junior’ had obviously not appreciated this interesting experience. Jack decided to go ‘kick the crap out of
something’ in order to reaffirm his masculinity. And Sam and Daniel? Well, they
just wanted to relive a certain moment in private.
THE END