Fade to Black

TITLE: Fade to Black

AUTHOR: Demon Faith

CATEGORY: Angst, Future story: post-Meridian

PAIRINGS: Sam/Daniel, Sam/Jack

SPOILERS: Seasons 1-5, specifically Meridian.

RATING: PG-13

WARNINGS: Character death, violence, angst (tissues may be needed)

SUMMARY: 'So he broke her, and there she lay' - Broken this way

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Stargate, Daniel would be alive, Sam would be dating him, Jack would make sense and Teal'c would have lines. As you can see, this is not the case.

AUTHORS NOTES: I started this a long time ago, but my Stargate Muse lost herself and was in therapy for some time. Therefore, this is only just finished. Sorry about that.

FEEDBACK: Better than Chris Judge being at SG5 (but only just)

SOUNDTRACK: 'Only Women Bleed' - Alice Cooper (inspiration for this)

'Broken this way' - Demon Faith (the result of this)

I’ll put it up soon, I promise.

The door slammed, and there was silence. Slowly, she got up, pressing her hand to the gash on her head. She leaned wearily against the wall, wondering how it had gone this far and how she had let herself be led. Carefully, she moved towards the medicine cabinet, and cleaned and dressed the cuts. Rubbing at the already-forming bruises, she sat heavily in an armchair, ignoring the sensation of pricking glass from a broken vase.

For the first time in years, she began to cry. Her whole body shuddered with every sob, as she cried out her soul to the one person who couldn't be there to comfort.

"Daniel," she whispered.

~20 years earlier~

"Carter?"

Sam looked up, smiling weakly.

"Sir. Hi."

Jack sat down heavily beside her, pushing a hand through his hair. Sam watched him, noting the tired eyes and flushed cheeks. She thought she could smell alcohol.

"Carter, I think we should...move on. I don't want...to forget him...but...we have to..."

Sam looked up at him, knowing that he felt the void in his soul too. Now that Daniel had...gone, died, ascended. And he was, like her, looking for a way to fill the emptiness inside. He needed her. She needed him.

This was the way the gaping hole in her chest, where her heart had been, could finally be filled.

She lifted his head slowly, and kissed him. There was a desperate passion between them, a connection of misery, and they were drawn to each other.

This is what Daniel would've wanted, they reasoned to themselves. This was for the best.

~Present~

She realised now - they had been wrong. Hasty love, hasty marriage - everything so quick as if they were afraid they would die too. She thought this would make them whole again, but it just crumbled them to dust. She thought she could pull him back from the hell he was slipping into, but her strength couldn't hold her let alone him. Now, as she sat in her broken world, she wondered whether she had truly found love.

~12 years earlier~

She heard the door open slowly, heard someone fall into the room and slam the door shut again. He cursed with a rough voice, and coughed raspingly, the harsh rattle of a thousand cigarettes. She rose slowly, tiredly, and went to meet him. He looked at her with a stranger's eyes, bleary vision not quite seeing the woman he had married.

"You're a little late, Jack, " she said, an edge to her voice that was becoming more and more commonplace.

"What's it to you?" he slurred, leering towards her.

"You're drunk," she said, with ill-concealed disgust.

He stood taller and looked at her with mad red eyes. Suddenly, there was power in his face, and he raised his hand.

She never thought he would strike her. He would threaten, but never actually knock her to the ground, leave her bleeding on the floor and walk back out the door.

~Present~

Sam wrapped her arms around herself, and glanced at the cracked photo frame that had been discarded. She picked it up, cutting her fingertips as she lightly touched each of the three figures. She was glad Danny wasn’t here. He couldn’t see his mother like this; see the man his father had become. Danny was the one thing that kept Jack going, and when he moved out, moved away, Jack began to crumble again. Another lost to him, one more who walked away. Sam thought that maybe Danny realised at the end, when his father wouldn’t let him go, when he kept calling him ‘Daniel’, even though that had never been his name.

That world was but a shadow now. Teal’c had left earth long ago, returning to lead his Jaffa Rebellion. He had died in battle, a hero to his people, but a muted memory to his friends. Janet had never forgiven herself for letting Daniel die, watching him go despite every instinct willing her to save him. She had taken a remote posting in Africa - Sam hadn't heard from her in years. Cassie sent a letter every now and again, talking about places and things Sam no longer cared for. The world was nothing to her now.

She realised then that she had nothing to live for. Surprising to her was how simply and quietly her mind had stumbled upon the thought. There were no dramatic chords, no screeching violins - just the echo of a lonely heart calling out to the darkness. No one answered.

She picked herself up, and walked steadily into the bathroom. She pulled Jack's anti-depressants out of the cupboard, carefully tipping them into her hand. She debated the wisdom of leaving a note - before taking hold of a piece of paper and scrawling a few sparse words. She labelled the front 'Danny' before finding a glass of water.

She took a couple at a time, feeling her head spin, wondering if Daniel felt like this at the end. She continued with rugged determination until her hands shook too much. The glass shattered on the tiled floor, as she stumbled back into the broken room. In this ruined place, she found symmetry and order. It puzzled her, as colours mixed and her body lost the fight with gravity. She saw a light, shining white light, and heard the door click as her soul gave up her crumbling form.

Jack stared with drink-ridden eyes at the light filling his room. He knew the light, and he smiled. He was here, he had come back.

Then, he saw her. She lay on the floor, body not moving at all, and it was all quiet in this Daniel-lit chaos. Her body glowed like his, and he cried out in anguish - not another, no, not one more lost to him. She became light, rising towards Daniel, and suddenly he could see their faces, looking at him in pity. She strayed to his side and touched his cheek, before they both fled away, twisted in union, no longer broken.

There was no light now, only a shattered man crying in the dark.

Dearest Danny;

I love you, but I cannot stay. I'm with your father now, where I belong. I hope you can understand.

Mum