TITLE: Tough Butterflies
AUTHOR: Demon Faith
CATEGORY: Small reflective thing. Some Angst. (SID)
PAIRINGS: CJ/Simon, Josh/Donna
SPOILERS: Hartsfield’s Landing and Posse Comitatus specifically; Seasons 1-3
SUMMARY: CJ and Donna sit a while.
DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine. Would Simon be dead if they were??
AUTHOR’S NOTES: I haven’t seen Season 4, so I know nothing! This is the first…something I’ve written to do with Simon. Be gentle.
Love to Jeanine, for everything.
The place is empty, devoid, and only she remains. She doesn’t really know how long she’s sat there, but the cold is biting through her coat and a layer of snow has settled on her shoulders.
She shouldn’t be here. She has work tomorrow – today – a briefing, a cheery face to find, a sarcastic barb to bite back. It’s too early for laughter.
She hardly notices the young woman sit down beside her, only faintly recognises the bench’s creak. She turns and smiles slowly.
“It’s 3am,” she points out.
“I know,” her companion replies, as she draws her boss’ coat tighter. She doesn’t ask from where it came – she doesn’t need to know. Yet.
There is a silent battle of wills, a desire to remain closed in against the force of concern radiating from Donna’s thin frame. Finally, she relents, and slumps her shoulders, causing a sudden avalanche onto her lap. She absently brushes it away, before turning to Donna, who is still waiting.
“I was thinking about…”
She trails off, and Donna nods, biting her lip. Her teeth leave tiny marks, frozen in place, stuck in time. She wants to freeze in time.
“It’s wrong,” Donna decides firmly, and she chuckles softly. She wish she still had the power to decide, to make a clear distinction between right and wrong, and not spin one to the other. Blur the lines too many times and there are no damn lines left.
“It happens.”
Donna looks at her, measuring her words against her eyes, and finding the inequality. She always hated math. She’d bet her townhouse that he liked math, that he could multiply ridiculous numbers in his head and say it was nothing. That was something he would do. She’s so unlike him.
“It’s okay to miss him, CJ.”
No, no, it isn’t. She didn’t know this man – she wasn’t his mother, or his sister, she wasn’t even his girlfriend. She was just the girl he died for. One rose, he died for a rose. She didn’t even like roses.
“He doesn’t know that I miss him.”
A stupid thing to say, unnecessary. She doesn’t know where it came from, but she feels uncomfortable now. Donna didn’t need this crap. She should tell her to go, to get away, to leave her to freeze.
“How’s Josh?”
Donna looks across at her, then down at her coat.
“Cold, I should imagine. He thought I was getting coffee.”
She snorts, and Donna smiles. She looks at her incredulously.
“He bought that?”
Donna shrugs, the coat shifting off the fresh snow. She watches it fall around her, and catches a little in her palm. It melts against her skin, a caress of cold water trickling between her fingers.
“I never slept with him, you know.”
“I did know.”
“It was one kiss…two…three…”
“You fell in love.”
Donna was not asking a question, she realises, just confirming her thoughts. Of course, she knew.
“Not so hard?”
Donna smiles, and puts her head to one side, the snow sliding off.
“No, it isn’t.”
The snow stops, and the air warms. She stands now, a cloud of snow swirling around her. She doesn’t want to freeze, she thinks; just go numb for a while. That time is over now.
“C’mon, Wonder Boy will be getting cold.”
Donna stands, drawing the coat around her tightly. They walk away, and the park is empty once more.