I never - ever - thought this is where we’d be. Well, deep down, I knew Josh would end up here someday. Politics is his life, his passion. Nothing compares. I learnt that bitter lesson a long time ago.
It’s been a year. A whole year of serving President Bartlet, this amazing man who I admire and respect with all my being. He brings out the best in all of us - especially Josh. And for that, I’m eternally grateful.
I followed him, out of that greed-filled room, and onto something better and brighter. I love my job - I am the voice of the President! Ok, so Toby is a much better speechwriter, and some days, I have a little trouble with grammar - but, on the whole, I’m good. Josh says I’m way better than that. Josh lies.
I still can’t tell, you know. From the times he lies to the times where he’s telling the truth. Ever heard of a politician who can’t detect lies, even in his best friend? Hi, Sam Seaborn, nice to meet you.
Which is why I’m worried when he tells me to meet him after work. We’re still best friends, of course, but there’s a strange *something* there that I don’t quite understand. And I don’t like where it could lead. Actually, I don’t like where I’ll be led. We broke up once, it was hell - never again.
So, I’m sitting in the Sculpture Garden, waiting. I haven’t been waiting long before he sits down beside me.
“Hey Sammy.”
He still calls me that, when we’re alone. I think it gives him some kind of power trip. I must put a stop to it. But I won’t.
“Josh.”
“I’ve been thinking…”
He hesitates - I don’t like that. It means he’s undecided about something, unsure about what he wants to say. This is unlike Josh. I don’t like it when Josh is…not like Josh.
“About what?” I prompt, a little too quickly.
He looks up, startled. He looks down just as a quickly, but I catch the look in his eyes. My heart starts to beat faster. I know that look…
“Us. When we were…y’know, us. And I think…that I ran away, and I shouldn’t have.”
I puzzle over several things at once, mainly why this has come up tonight. Then I realise: this is the day he left me. This day, four years ago. We were together three years - longer than I ever expected, long enough to frighten us. We were getting serious, too serious for two young politicians who needed careers.
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have.”
I’m surprised at the anger and bitterness in my own voice. He still stares at the ground, and when he speaks again, I realise he’s crying.
“I never meant to hurt you, Sammy, never. I really…really cared about you.”
He’s not the only one. I hastily wipe away my own tears, before reaching down to brush away the moisture on his cheeks. He looks up at me, and I give him a watery smile.
“I know, Josh. I cared too.”
He sits up now, and I realise what I’ve said. I automatically copied him - using the past tense, and now I’ve worried him. Something inside me snaps - suddenly, all the pent-up anger and frustration of years spent living with his rejection explode out of my like a volcano.
“Now, it’s too late. Don’t run back, Josh - I got over you once, I don’t think I can do it again. You’re in love with politics, and that will never change.”
I get up and I walk away. It feels like a cinder path, I feel like a criminal. I just hurt the man I love. Hopefully, it will save us from each other. It’s come to this - we need to be saved! How did I let it go this far? Well, how should I know - I don’t even know how we got here.