So, here I am. It’s been a long day, and all I really want to do is go home and go to sleep. But I won’t, because I still have work to do and I still have people to see. Somewhere, a watch beeps out an hour, and I glance up.
Midnight. The witching hour. The lurking place of dark and desperate evil…
“SAM!”
Oh, and Josh. Sighing, I get up, feeling way older than I should. I walk sleepily into his office, and lean casually against the door frame. I watch him for a few moments, drinking in the graceful maturity of the man I love.
He looks up, and smiles at me, a slow smile that never fails to amaze me. I love this man - this simple, complicated man, whose arrogance and his sincerity make life that little bit more interesting.
“You finished here?”
I look at him, studying his eyes. I know what that question means, I know why he asked it, but tonight, I wonder if I could just say no. Say ‘No, I don’t want to go home with you.’ Say ‘No, this isn’t enough anymore.’ Say ‘I still love you, but this isn’t what I want for us.’
I’m haunted by Oklahoma music…‘I’m just a girl who cain’t say no…’
Suddenly, it was like we were the only two people in the world, and I wanted to jump planet. Josh seems to detect the shift in my mood, because he gets up and heads towards me, reaching out.
“Sam? What’s wrong?”
I look up, and meet his eyes. He sucks in a breath.
“No, I’m not finished. Don’t ask me again.”
I turn and stalk out of the office. I turn the corner, and speed up, reaching my office in record time. Slamming the door, I stand against the hard wood, breathing heavily. I pull the blinds shut, I slide down to the floor: my world is spinning out of control. I had said ‘no’ to Josh.
Surprising as it may seem, I had never done that before. I had shocked myself, and probably Josh as well. I wrap my arms around my body, shaking with uncontrollable sobs. I think I just ended it.
What did I end? Who knows? I don’t even know how we got here.