CATEGORY: Sam/Josh, Humour
SPOILERS: Seasons 1 through 3, but nothing important. No Amy!
NOTES: I wrote this after reading ‘Poisoned Apple’ by Jo and Ryo, because I was so thoroughly depressed and had to cheer myself up by listening to ‘Star Trekkin’ at full volume for fifteen minutes and writing strange fic. This is the…interesting result
“What does it do?”
“How should I know?”
“You bought it! You should know what it does.”
“I didn’t buy it! Sam bought it, and put it in my office.”
“Why in your office?”
“CJ didn’t want it in her office, and Toby said it looked dangerous.”
“It does look dangerous.”
“It’s a cardboard box!”
“With a large metal hook protruding from the top.”
“Fair point.”
“So, Sam should know what it is?”
“Presumably.”
“Hey guys, thanks for watching my…box.”
“Sam, what is that thing?”
“Just something I need.”
“You need a large metal hook?”
“Yes.”
“Have you considered professional help?”
“You’re funny.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“Can I look at it?”
“Yeah, I guess. Just don’t tangle the cable.”
“…cable? You’re not contemplating suicide, right?”
“Yes, cos he’d need a large hook for that.”
“Sam, are you a homicidal maniac?”
“NO! And I’d tell you if I was?”
“Well, that’s comforting.”
“OH MY GOD! I know what this is!”
“There’s no way you know…”
“I was Tinkerbell.”
“What the hell is…”
“Tinkerbell? Really?”
“Yeah, I was an acting genius.”
“Sam needs a large hook to be Tinkerbell?”
“No, Peter Pan.”
“Sam, you’re not…”
“There’s nothing wrong with…”
“Wearing tights and a felt hat? Keep telling yourself that.”
“Josh, I am in close correspondence with your mother.”
“….Donna…”
“I have pictures, Josh.”
“Oh God.”
“Pictures of what?”
“Pink tutu, pink tights, ballet shoes…”
“YOU WERE A BALLERINA!!!!”
“Yeah, Sam, shout louder, they didn’t quite hear you on the Hill.”
“Sam, I think you should remove the suspension cable before the Service gets hold of it.”
“That’s a good plan.”
“Also, the large meat hook.”
“I have uses for that.”
“SAM!”
“Josh, you’ve known me for *years* and you really think I would kill people?”
“…yes…”
“…oh…”
“Well, this is a happening conversation.”
“So, uh, I’ll move the thing.”
“Yeah, do that.”
“Ok, this is awkward. Wake up, please! I can’t cope with you two being silent and serious! It is against the laws of…whatever. Speak, damnit!”
“Yes Donna.”
“Yes ma’am.”
“…ma’am!”
“You have a point?”
“You just called Donna ‘ma’am’! I’m telling CJ…”
“Joshua Lyman, you will do no such thing!”
“You *liked* it! You liked him calling you that!”
“Yes, is that a crime?”
“…no…”
“Precisely.”
“Dinner tonight, Tinkerbell?”
“My pleasure, Peter. But leave the ballerina at home.”
“Great, me, the couch and a meat hook.”
“You want dinner, Ballet Girl?”
“Less of the girl please! And yes!”
“Take-out at mine?”
“Sure thing, I’ll come over after rehearsal.”
“I’m going out to dinner with Tinkerbell and Peter Pan. This is my life.”
“I’m dating a ballerina – hear me complaining?”
“Just did.”
“You are children!”
“But you love us, right?”
“I’m dining with children!”
“At least you’re not being suspended from a meat hook for two hours.”
“There is that.”
“You love it.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“That’s so sweet.”
“That’s so suicidal.”
“You have no faith in technology, Joshua.”
“My lover’s being suspended from the ceiling by a meat hook! I’m allowed to be…concerned.”
“That is so adorable!”
“Get out. Both of you.”
“So, dinner at Donna’s?”
“Yeah, Tinkerbell’s Fairy Grotto.”
“You wanted to be Tinkerbell, didn’t you, Josh?”
“Leave me now!”
“I’m gone.”